Sunday, June 6, 2010

So Many Questions

I feel like becoming a father is like an episode of Lost --- more questions than discoveries.  I guess that's like life too (I've used this metaphor a lot... sorry).

You may have noticed the general lack of posts related to this impending life-changer.  I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.  Typically I find "baby overload" annoying, but at the same time it has been a massive part of my life.  But it's been hard for me to write about this.  To articulate my thoughts.  This post has been a draft for almost a week by the time it's actually being published!  I started writing this May 16th!  It's nearly June!

We're (I'm guessing) a few days away from the birth or less, and I still feel completely unprepared mentally speaking.  It's still even hard to believe anything is going to change.  It's still hard to believe we're going to have a child.  People keep asking if I'm finding the answers I need, but I still wonder if I'm missing some of the questions.

That's not to say I haven't done my fair share of research.  I've read a couple phenomenal books, and have been fortunate to speak with some great parents.  I guess the idea I rest on is that nobody is prepared to be a parent.  Nothing can prepare you.  At least that's my excuse :-).

All this being said, we are both immensely excited about the upcoming addition to our family.  It's this weird mix of feelings, we're both nervous and a little panicked, but at the same time at this point we can't wait for him to arrive.  Right now we're both trying to figure out how he's going to be a part of our lives.  We want him to be a part of the family, but not the center of it.  We don't want him to be our complete identity.  We're going to include him in much of what we do, and not use him as an excuse to get out of things.  I guess we're trying to figure out how the child's going to change our life.  Not only that, but areas where we shouldn't change our lives for him.  If that makes sense.  Beth and I certainly want to retain our identity while at the same time making our child a part of it.

I don't even really know where I'm going with this.  Perhaps this post really mirrors things pretty well-- I don't really know what to do or where to go.  I feel like I'm just making things up as we go.